Hatin’ on Datin’

on May 04 in Front Page, Suggested Topic by No Ring On This Thing

Friday had finally arrived and despite the fact that I didn’t have any big plans for the weekend, it didn’t matter to me one bit because honestly, I didn’t want any.  I was kinda “over it.”  Especially since the past few months consisted of one love dis-connection, a Bootie Call calling it quits, and my realization that Match.com is more MatchLESS to the cost of $39/month.  And then, my male friend tried to ease my worry by advising me that I just needed to “Lower my standards.”  Really?  I had no idea that when I tried to win over the guy whom a mutual friend called a “Compulsive liar and a sex addict” that I was aiming too high. Needless to say, it’s been a rough few months on the dating circuit.

As I drove through Hollywood and passed the couples holding hands on their way to dinner, I surmised they were all tourists, because no one meets anyone in LA…unless, you have Circus Tits, a spray tan and are 24 yrs old.  (That seems to be magic age these days.) And while my good friend Ryan does keep me well-bronzed with his newly purchased Moblie Spray Tan business, the other two things I need are a tad bit more difficult.  So this weekend I decided that if I don’t have anyone, then I want no one. It felt good to embrace the bitter and head for home without worrying which friend I could drag out for a quick drink and dinner so I wouldn’t spend a night by myself.  Instead, I got a massage, grabbed some Chipotle and headed to my little apartment to watch Burlesque On Demand, catch up on Glee and give myself a facial.  Wow, I think I may be a gay man trapped in a straight woman’s body.  Nah, I would totally have better fashion sense and House Music just makes me nervous.

As I settled in for my quiet evening in with my dog The Edgar, I went back and forth between two conflicting feelings. First, I reveled in my freedom from another fruitless date where I wonder if the man sitting across the table from me thinks I am funny-sexy or more funny-friend.  Then the other easy go-to sentiment of “People Suck.”  Eat more chips, salsa and boo when the romantic scenes come on the TV.

I intended on hunkering down for the night and writing a blurb or two for NoRingOnThisThing.com about my latest adventures in the arena of dating, but my bitter brain was standing in the way.  I was a tad annoyed at my recent brushes with lame when it came to finding someone who actually wants to go out with me on real dates.  You know, the ones with plans, money is spent on things like food or drinks, and then later some form of communication happens via text, email, or a phone call where they do the unthinkable…ask you out again!

Unfortunately, I certainly wasn’t in the mood to write about anything uplifting.  What happened to me?  I thought that even though there was No ring on this thing…my life was still full! Full of disappointment, I guess. And then, like a well deserved backhand from a Housewife of Whatever City…I get an email from a NoRingOnThisThing reader.

I’ve been to your site a few times, and I always come out of here inspired to be alright with myself for being single.
The other day I was too early for a date, so as I walked around in some shops being nervous and having stupid daydreams about the possibilities that this guy might be someone special. Well, I caught myself looking at jewelry, ( by that I mean wedding and engagement rings) and picking out the ones I would choose. I felt stupid for doing that, and this is what I told myself…”Stop making plans with someone who doesn’t exist and just have fun.”
So I bought myself the rings. It felt so good to leave my daydreams behind and to stop having these illusions about what I expect. It’s like I took a leap and said if it happens, it happens, but I’m not gonna be sad about it and I’m not waiting for him anymore. Whatever. I’m married to myself right now   Just wanted to thank you …
Best regards,  ”L”

“L” You are a Zen Master of love.  Because the main message of this site was supposed to remind people that while they may be single, they are not alone.  Being single should never be viewed as a life sentence.  In fact, it’s kinda fun if you let yourself enjoy it.  Just ask a married couple what they miss about being single and their list will surprise you.

So thank you “L” for reminding me why I write about being single.  Because it’s, well…How do I put this eloquently? Because sometimes, it’s fucking awesome!